Wednesday, August 18, 2010

so even though i really don't have any of my writing to post i feel that i owe it to this blog (and the readers) to post something....

so i will.

i have been having an okay(ish) week with some ups and downs and in betweens. well, a lot of downs, but a few ups so it kinda balences out and doesn't make me feel like jumping off a cliff or something (haha?)

UPS:
-my grandparents (mom's side) are up for the week and are staying in a cute little red cottage over in the islands and it's right on the lake and we got to spend all of the day yesterday there and we swam and had a lot of fun (my sisters and i swam, my grandparents can't really swim anymore)
-on friday i might get a new digital camera (which if i do, i will take some pics and put them up here) :)

DOWNS:
-i started cutting again after 2 months of not cutting and have cut everyday since i started up again, save for yesterday because i wasn't home until late and didn't bring my "supplies" with me to the cabin
-on monday night i got into a fight with my dad (it was bad) and i almost got kicked out (if it wasn't for my mom stepping in and telling him that if he kicks me out i would get raped and killed cause i'm only 14 - 15 next week! - thank God for my mother) and so it's been decided that if i get out of line again my parents are going to make me go to this "home" for cutters, anorexics, suicidal peoples, basically just people with problems (i almost went during april when my parents found out about the cutting because of Mary - my bitchy not-friend-anymore) in short, my parents don't want me around anymore
-my parents noticed some of my new cuts and are now checking me again so i have to be VERY careful where i cut (if u don't cut ur probably jut thinking "don't cut", but if ur a cutter u understand that once u start it's very, VERY hard to stop and when u get the urge u can't help it)

--
so ya, my week has been very interesting (mostly bad, but that's my life so i don't worry about it) i just try to look at the good things like the fact that i'm going to a cross country camp on saturday and don't get back till thursday (my birthday)

well gotta go! (my sisters are calling, babyitting, ugh)

~LITW

1 comment:

Feather said...

It's hard. But try and focus on the good times. Legs. I used to cut my legs alot, easy to hide. Not that i'm endorsing this at all, i just understand the difficulties of not being found out. Try not to cut. I give you a challenge. You don't have to accept it but i pose it anyway: try to go one week without cutting. One entire week with no cutting. And then tell me how you feel at the end of the week. Hope you have a better few days.
Feather xx