Firstly I'm going to apologize for not posting writing in awhile, I have been busy and just haven't had the time to really sit down and write something that I actually care to share with the world [which sucks].
However, I have had a lot of time to think about a lot of things [mostly related to school and the future and other things that make me nervous]. Wednesday I start my senior year of high school and I can hardly believe that all I have is several grueling months of torturous high school and drama and classes that I don't want to take but have to in order to graduate and then I am done with high school. Forever. To be honest, that makes me a little nervous, a little scared too actually. And I've got to start applying to college/university in the next few months which basically means I have to start getting at least a little bit of an idea of what I want to do with my life.
I have no clue what I want to do. I've had so many different ideas and different things that I wanted to do, but when it comes down to it I don't know that I would actually want to do those things for my whole life. I have so many passions, so many things that make me happy and excited and fired up about life, that I don't know where to start. I want to be so many things, I want to do so many things, I want to have so many different experiences.
For a little bit I thought about going into the military, but then I decided that I didn't want to do that because I don't agree with violence. And yet, here I am, about a year later and I'm considering the military again. I don't have to be involved with the violence directly, I could do so many things that wouldn't require me to shoot people and I wouldn't have to worry about college/university or getting a job after I complete 4 years or more of schooling. But I don't know for sure if I want to do that because I don't know, even a little bit, what I want to do with my life.
It's crazy to think that in December of last year I was ready to kill myself and now I'm getting stressed about deciding what to do with my life. Almost a year later and I'm trying to decide what gets me fired up about life, what I want to do.
The only thing I know for sure that I want to do is help people and serve God [though I haven't been doing a great job lately - I've been getting kind of distant and my faith has been kind of dying, but I'm trying to get it back on track... sorta]
Well, for now I guess I should just work on getting my summer homework done before Wednesday and think about making an appointment to talk with my guidance counselor at school about college/university.