Sunday, August 19, 2012

weight things

I haven't posted in forever, I know. Summer got busier than I expected. It also went by pretty fast and now I only have about a week left of summer and I'm not even close to being done my summer homework. Yep, its stress out time. [and yet I am totally calm while continuing to procrastinate...]

Anyway, I thought I would do a personal post because I haven't really written much this summer and I will post what I have written sometime tomorrow I think.

So ever since freshmen year I have had this almost obsession with being skinny. I tried cutting back on calories and working out, but I just never was able to keep up with it and I never really had the drive for it like people do. Plus, I had always been a really good weight anyway. Freshmen year I was 5ft 4in and weighed around 100 pounds. I was skinny, so I didn't really worry about it. Sophomore year I had a growth spurt and ended up being around 5ft 6in and 125 pounds. I was able to maintain that weight until October of last year. Around May I went to the doctor because of my asthma and they weighed me. I was 150 pounds. 2 pounds overweight for a 5ft 8in teenage girl. It killed me.

Ever since then I have started to work harder to lose the weight. Sometimes I don't eat for a few days at a time, or I just cut down a lot. I don't like eating more than 900-1000 calories a day. I don't have an eating disorder or anything, I just want to be skinny again. I try to work out, but I find it hard to motivate myself sometimes. I really am trying to lose weight.

Recently I ran into a little wall with my weight loss; I don't have a way to know how much I actually weigh. I don't want to judge it by the fat on my body because all I see is fat and I don't want to become anorexic or anything. So I decided to get a scale. I had to do it in secret though because my parents don't want a scale in the house seeing as I have been stressing about my weight and my little sister is almost anorexic. So yesterday I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond because I found out that they were hiring and I used the excuse of bringing in my application to get permission to drive over there and I secretly bought a scale. I got home before my family [I have my license so I was driving myself] and hid it in my room. My little sister knows about it [I had to get her to help me keep my parents out of the house for long enough to get home and hide it], but she wants to use it. I'm afraid that might cause her to become anorexic, but I plan to only let her use it rarely. Personally, I plan to use it whenever I can.

When I got home I actually had the time to weigh myself.
I'm 142.5 pounds. No longer overweight, but I want to be 125 pounds again. So I'm going to work for that and now I have the motivation because I will always know my weight and won't have to wait to have a doctors appointment or go to the gym and sneak into the room where they keep a scale.

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