Sunday, November 16, 2014

Unwanted

You ever get that feeling where all you want to do is forget, but you can't? The people that you hate keep showing up in your life over and over and over again without any warning and the memories come flooding back in a stream of consciousness that makes you want to scream. For me, its all of the things that happened at my old college that make me want to break down, to give up, to just take that last step over the edge and be done. And people keep showing up in my life again and again, just when I'm about to get over it all. Maybe not someone involved directly, but someone who was there or involved in my life. I just want them all to be gone. I don't want Facebook notifications from them, I don't want to get a text, I don't want to see pictures on instagram. Because they get to keep living their lives without a single bad memory, without having a fear sitting in the back of their stomach that makes it hard for them to eat food or interact with people. I can't be touched anymore because of what happened there and I'm stuck trying to repair my life and start over when they get to keep living and laughing and being completely okay with life. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just stood up and talked about it in front of everyone, if maybe it would get better and maybe I'd be able to truly live again.

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