IDOL

I used to look up to you,
you were everything
I always wanted to be.

From your clothes
to your haircut,
I wanted to look the
same as you.
To a 5 (14) year old,
you were (are) a goddess.

I shadowed your footsteps
and I watched your every move,
intent on copying everything you did.

Not anymore,
you've done (and seen) things
I could only dream
(in my worst nightmares)
I don't want to be like you anymore,
your anorexic demons
scare me and sometimes I wish
that long ago I could have found the strength
to tell you how much I love you
and look up to you,
(maybe you wouldn't be where you are now if I had).

I once asked you for help
when I was facing my own demons,
a lust for steel slicing my skin
and your advice was good;
"find strength in your family,
they will always be there,
ready to help you through it all"
so why couldn't you follow your own advice?
Can't you see your beauty?
I envy it all,
the clothes and the hair and most of all...
your beauty,
so why can't you see it too?

I once looked up to you,
long ago and now it's all I can do
to look at your broken form,
so skinny your bones show through too pale skin
and I wish that you could one day see,
your beauty.

I still look up to you,
always will,
I just wish that there was someone there to
look up to
because now all I see
is a broken form,
once beautiful and now,
too skinny to stand.
(a broken idol)

I will always love you Jenny 
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