lasts

there are so many lasts;

last songs

last kisses

last steps

last smiles

last gifts

last words

last breaths

last heartbeats

 

and i don't think i really noticed until you and i had our lasts;

last gift

last hug

last kiss

last words

in the last moments of the last time that i saw you until you took your

last breath and your heart beat one last time and you died with your last smile

still shining on your face.

 

you see, i miss you more everyday and i thought that it might

not hurt so much a year later, but it does

and i can't help but cry at night as i hold the last gift you gave me;

a bright yellow stuffed animal duck named ducky because i thought that

your pool cleaner was a duck when really it was a turtle

and that was the last time we laughed together.

 

when we had our last laugh together and our last words

i didn't know they were going to be our last

and when i said goodbye to you that night i meant it as

"goodbye i'll see you next summer when i turn 16"

not

"goodbye forever i'll see you in heaven"

and when you said goodbye to me it was the same, but i think

that you might have known that our hugs and kisses would be

our last and that those words would be the last we spoke together

and that stuffed animal duck named ducky would be the last gift you gave me.

 

its a little over a year later and i keep thinking about our lasts

and think about how everyone has their lasts and wonder

what my lasts are going to be.

_____________________________________________

 

this is dedicated to my aunt who passed away a little over a year ago. i miss her so much.