Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Half-Melted Chocolate & Vanilla Bean Ice Cream (Wonderful Memories)

When I think of you,
I think of warm summers
spent beach side with
half-melted chocolate &
vanilla bean ice cream,
(you never ate anything other than vanilla bean)
and we always used to
chase butterflies &
crickets in the field behind my house,
but we never caught anything,
not like we ever cared
because it was fun &
the grass was perfect for falling backwards into
& landing with soft "thuwumps"
& shrieking laughter
(it was the most beautiful thing I ever heard)

We used to watch clouds go by
& pick out shapes,
even making up a few &
I always went along because your ideas
were just
good (& you were too)
& I told you my secrets
& you listened with open ears
because that's who you were
(an amazing person)
like sweet half-melted chocolate &
vanilla bean ice cream,
beach side on warm summer days
(sometimes I wonder where all that time went)

I saw my little sister
playing with you the other day &
was jealous
(what I wouldn't give to be 7 again)
& wished that I could be out there with you
laughing & talking & eating vanilla bean ice cream & half-melted chocolate
& for a moment I discarded reality &
joined you in the fields
for one last beautiful day
with vanilla bean ice cream & half-melted chocolate
before it all came back &
I had to be normal again,
because teenagers don't play with
imaginary friends
this is just a random piece i wrote last night at like midnight.... enjoy!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Dear God,

Give me the strength,
the strength
to get rid of this addiction;
razor blades slicing pale skin,
crafted by your
ever-capable hands.

Help me fight through
this day and the next,
help my to deny the devil's taunts and promises,
all so tempting,
and let me learn to love and trust
once again.

Speak through me to others,
struggling and fighting
to find stable ground,
to find light in this world of darkness,
use me to help spread Your word.

But most of all,
lead me and guide me in this world,
because now that I've found You
I can't seem to get enough
and can't seem to stop smiling
and shouting out about Your glory.

Thank You 
i haven't written in awhile because i was at a christian youth conference that my parents made me go to so that maybe i could get better. i did. sorta. i haven't cut for almost a week which sounds little, but for me is a big deal and i have accepted Jesus into my heart and now have a good relationship with God and pray whenever i get the urge to cut. i've also started eating again and feel soo much better about a lot of stuff. i wrote this poem when i got back on sunday (it was monday-sunday in louisville, kentucky) totally worth it and i can't wait for when it happens again in 2013 (it happens every 3 years)