Thursday, December 8, 2011

the one i gave to you

& i don't know what i'm doing in this broken world anymore,
i've been pulling at the seams for far too long
and i'm inches from falling off,
falling away and down,
or up,
if i'm lucky.

& i've lost the pieces that i tore off
when i just couldn't handle the pain,
left them lying on random sidewalks in random towns,
sprinkled across this nation
and this state
because i didn't know where else to put them
other than all over this god forsaken world
where you can make me cry
by telling someone
my greatest secret.

& thats just not cool bro,
do you realize how much pain that caused me?

i know that you want to fix me,
i know that you want to sew me together again
and find all of my missing pieces,

but you just made another piece go missing,
the one i gave to you.

messed up, fucked up me

& i can't handle the pain,
the pain of losing you
because i just can't let anyone into my
messed up,
fucked up

i'm sorry that i can't let anyone in,
i'm sorry that i'm too scared to let them pick me apart
at the seams
& gaze into the messed up chaos that is my mind,
i don't want them to tell me everything thats wrong with me
because, baby, i know whats wrong.

i know that its wrong to act this way,
to do these things,
but i can't just walk away like you did,
i've invested so much into this life
& i almost don't want to change,
even for you.

cause, baby, i'm scared of the doctor,
i'm scared of their institutions & their pills,
i'm terrified of the truth, of trusting.

& baby i'm so very sorry that i can't be what you wish i could be,
i'm sorry that i can't do what you wish i would,
i'm sorry that i'm so afraid,
i wish that you could understand.

i'm not ready for this yet.

don't worry

when i wrote myself onto paper
and exposed every last flaw and imperfection
you asked if it was true
and i said don't worry,
its just fiction.

when i sang myself into the breeze
in my effort to fly away
you held me down and asked me
where i was going
and i told you don't worry,
its just a melody.

when i danced myself into the ground
so that i could hide myself from the world
you pulled me to the surface
and asked me why
and i told you don't worry,
its just a movement.

when i wrote myself in words
and showed you the truth in letter
you asked me how
and i told you don't worry,
its just fiction.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

stitch me together my love

i wish that you could fix me,
stitch together my broken pieces
and glue all of the leftovers
into a masterpiece
created from beautifully broken and shattered

i wish that you would be around to
hold me together
with an infinite amount of ductape
and spider's thread,
replacing every stitch i break through
when i just can't handle the world
and so i cut it away.

honey, i wish that i could be
sewn back together
and held together with your love,
but i'm married to these
razor blades
and i will forever be slicing through
my pale skin and, in turn,
all of your efforts to pull me back

but keep stitching me together my love,
keep me from pulling at the seams
and breaking away
because i'm inches from the edge

of breaking.