Saturday, March 31, 2012


NaPoWriMo starts tomorrow and i'm excited and a bit nervous at the same time. i don't really know why i'm nervous, because its just writing a poem everyday, but i am. maybe its because i'm afraid of getting writers block half-way through and being unable to finish. [i'm one of those people who HATES it when they don't finish something they started, unless its cleaning my room cause i NEVER finish that. its a mess]

well, i am really looking forward to it. i can't wait to get writing [i write almost everyday anyway so it shouldn't be too hard]

Saturday, March 24, 2012

i loved you once and i loved you twice and i love you still

i've got you underneath my fingernails and i don't know how,
you've stained yourself on my skin in cross-crossing lines
that make no sense
and i don't know what to say, i don't know
what to do when i'm around you.

baby, baby i loved you once and i loved you twice and i love you still,
but you've got your hair falling in your eyes
and i don't think that you can see me because i've got
my heart open and my eyes are shining and i can't seem to speak
when you laugh and sit down next to me.

you've got that smile that makes my heart stop everytime, that
look that you make when you look my way never fails
to leave me breathless and i think
that i just might be falling more in love with you than last time
because i loved you for so many innocent years,
but i gave up on you because how could someone beautiful
love back someone ugly like me?

baby, baby i loved you once and i loved you twice and i love you still,
i used to watch you run like the wind around dirt tracks
and when your hair was flipped to the side and your eyes were shining
i thought that maybe, just maybe
you could see me, but you couldn't because back then i was invisible.

perfection does not exist in this world, but baby
you come pretty damn close
with those young eyes and wide smiles and the way you
play that guitar makes me wonder if maybe
you could hold me like that someday, if maybe
you could look at me with such utter concentration and love
so i could tell you that all this time i've been falling in love with you.

baby, baby i loved you once and i loved you twice and i love you still,
but i'm too afraid of cliches to brush the hair out of your eyes
and to look you in the face and ask you if maybe, just maybe
you can finally see me.

i wrote this about this guy that i used to like in middle school and then decided freshmen year that i didn't have a chance and moved on and now [as a junior] have begun to like again, the only difference this time is that now we are friends and i might actually have a chance.

okay, so i'm going to see 'The Importance of Being Earnest' with my friend Sarah in like 10 minutes so i have to go. hope you guys have all been having a wonderful week!!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

blogger is being a bitch

god, its been really bugging me lately because blogger has been messing with the list of blogs that i follow and not showing some and showing others and sometimes showing all of them and some days [like today] it doesn't show ANY of them and they aren't showing up ANYWHERE i look for them so i went and re-followed all of those blogs but it still didn't do anything. they still aren't there.

GAHHHHH!!! i'm pissed.
[i'm also really sore because track started this week and my whole body is in pain]

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

album excitement

okay, so this isn't going to be a writing post and its gonna be short because its late and i'm really tired and just need to go sleep for a million years [unfortunately i have school in the morning - i'm seriously debating staying home sick tomorrow]

anyway, the point of this post...

I GOT THE ONE DIRECTION ALBUM!!!!!!!! *fan girl scream*
i'm not really one for boy bands or anything, but there is just something about them and i am a total one directioner and proud. i am just really excited because i've been waiting for the album to come out in America FOREVER so i'm really really really happy that its finally out and i was able to get it. <3

yep. that's it. :P

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

faded nightmares

i'm seeing in shattered pieces, distortions of the truth and the lies,
when i look in a mirror i only see the flaws, i only see
the fat on my thighs and the shadows under my eyes and the
scars that cover my arms and my hands,
memories of heartbreak and loss and punching through glass windows.

i've got old woman eyes, eyes that have gazed upon
funerals and sunsets and heart wrenching pain that seems to
slice right through your very being and leave you almost powerless to resist, the kind
that you just want to run away from, to escape from, but no matter
how hard you try you can't escape and it just follows you, striking you
down again and again and again and you just can't
take it anymore, but still you endure it because there is someone out there
waiting for you, so they can hold you in their arms and make everything
oh so much better.

my heart is still beating and so i still have hope that someday
i will be able to look up into the clouds on a sunny sunday morning and
smile, because everything will be okay and
i won't have anything to hide anymore and these
scars will be faded and nothing more than just a memory, nothing more
than just a nightmare that i have finally woken from.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

a song to sing you to sleep someday

there is play-doh on my fingertips and underneath my fingernails,
memories of wishes and dreams that i once had playing out in front of my eyes.
there is mud in my hair and my clothes,
my eyes are sparkling with something close to innocence.

i've got that childhood feeling of happiness coursing through my veins
and the wind whipping through my hair brings me back to that day,
the day that i stood on that boat and looked out across the endless sea
with you standing beside me and seaweed in my hair.

lines are broken with their usual chaos,
the words are flowing from my heart and my soul
like a never ending river,
i want to dedicate this song to you, the song of my life,
and yours,
but not a love song because you aren't someone i am in love with, you are
oh so much more than that honey, you are
the wind in my hair and the play-doh in my finger nails and the mud on my face, you are
the childhood innocence that i once had and then lost a little bit too soon, you are
my everything and so much more.

26 letters can make so many words, so many sentences,
and yet i can't seem to string them together in the right ways to describe
exactly what you are to me
because it is so complicated, but yet so simple, and i just want
to write you a song that you will let me sing to you late at night
when the nightmares are too much and you can't seem to fall asleep.

this is your lullaby and it doesn't have a chorus, it doesn't have
a melody because there is no melody that could fit you, no matter
how hard i try to get it to work
and a chorus is so much more repetative than your
late night surprise visits in holey jeans and plain faded t-shirts, there is no way
that i could ever get you into a song, but, god damn it,
i sure am trying.

this is your Valentines Day song, a song for you to read when you feel unloved
and when you can't seem to understand love
because i don't understand love baby, it is the only thing i can't seem to write about,
the one thing i can't seem to nail down with the limits of 26 letters.

so honey here is a song for you, the one i have yet to meet
and when i do finally get to meet you i hope that you will let me sing you your song,
let me shout it from the rooftops, the song without a melody or a chorus,
but a song all the same.