Thursday, December 8, 2011

messed up, fucked up me

& i can't handle the pain,
the pain of losing you
because i just can't let anyone into my
messed up,
fucked up

i'm sorry that i can't let anyone in,
i'm sorry that i'm too scared to let them pick me apart
at the seams
& gaze into the messed up chaos that is my mind,
i don't want them to tell me everything thats wrong with me
because, baby, i know whats wrong.

i know that its wrong to act this way,
to do these things,
but i can't just walk away like you did,
i've invested so much into this life
& i almost don't want to change,
even for you.

cause, baby, i'm scared of the doctor,
i'm scared of their institutions & their pills,
i'm terrified of the truth, of trusting.

& baby i'm so very sorry that i can't be what you wish i could be,
i'm sorry that i can't do what you wish i would,
i'm sorry that i'm so afraid,
i wish that you could understand.

i'm not ready for this yet.

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