Wednesday, June 30, 2010


I used to look up to you,
you were everything
I always wanted to be.

From your clothes
to your haircut,
I wanted to look the
same as you.
To a 5 (14) year old,
you were (are) a goddess.

I shadowed your footsteps
and I watched your every move,
intent on copying everything you did.

Not anymore,
you've done (and seen) things
I could only dream
(in my worst nightmares)
I don't want to be like you anymore,
your anorexic demons
scare me and sometimes I wish
that long ago I could have found the strength
to tell you how much I love you
and look up to you,
(maybe you wouldn't be where you are now if I had).

I once asked you for help
when I was facing my own demons,
a lust for steel slicing my skin
and your advice was good;
"find strength in your family,
they will always be there,
ready to help you through it all"
so why couldn't you follow your own advice?
Can't you see your beauty?
I envy it all,
the clothes and the hair and most of all...
your beauty,
so why can't you see it too?

I once looked up to you,
long ago and now it's all I can do
to look at your broken form,
so skinny your bones show through too pale skin
and I wish that you could one day see,
your beauty.

I still look up to you,
always will,
I just wish that there was someone there to
look up to
because now all I see
is a broken form,
once beautiful and now,
too skinny to stand.
(a broken idol)

I will always love you Jenny 
this poem is dedicated to my idol and cousin, Jenny, who is currently going through treatment for her anorexia and i have always looked up to her even when the family found out about the anorexia. my family supports her all the way and we are all working together to help her heal :) i love her very much and wish that everyone going through anorexia (or any other eating disorder or self harm) could have such a wonderful family. i love her sooooooooooooo much!!!!!!

PS- sorry i haven't posted in forever; summer has started (as you all know) and i have swim so i'm really busy :)

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