Thursday, June 3, 2010

In The End

Six years of innocence coming to an oh-so-regretted end, destroyed by the knowledge of a new place to live and a family that is falling apart.
(this shouldn't be happening)
Nobody can see the pain in her bright blue (now dull gray) eyes, they can't seem to get through the walls she put up and the act she put on. At six years she shouldn't have to be acting, at six years she shouldn't have to hide the bruises that cover her arms and lose all the trust her once innocent mind could give.
(it's just wrong)
Watching her parents fight every night and her sisters cry in fear at the load voices that won't leave them alone. At six years she shouldn't have to be a mother.
(but she is)

Six years later, only twelve years of life have gone by, but already she has aged forty. Her dreams and reality are what many never could comprehend. She has more knowledge in her twelve year old mind that most do at sixty.
(I'd like to see them live through what she does)
Innocence has long since fled from razor blades that took her pain and dulled it into something more manageable, something that she could finally control. Friends had long since ran from her broken form,
(it is too frightening for them to comprehend)
Now all she has is her razor blades and screaming parents and the role of mother to her sisters that can't seem to understand that the cuts and scrapes on her arms aren't from their dog.
(then again, who would expect them to?)
Parents continue to scream and idolized cousins fall to anorexic demons as she falls to her own demons, screaming at her from the razor blades in her pockets. Family is falling apart and so she has nothing to fall on anymore.
(except her razor blades)

At fourteen she has already considered suicide once or twice and her razor blades have become permanently tattooed into her pale, virgin arms. Friendship and trust are just fairy tales to her.
(who could believe after what she goes through?)
Demons have taken over her life and now she is falling into them because her sisters can live without her now and she doesn't know where to turn so she starves herself hoping her father won't yell at her anymore and cuts herself to dull the pain of everyday life that she shouldn't have to even think about.
(don't you agree?)
She thought she found love once, but it turned on her like everything else in her life and she was left once again. Reality crushed her as her only happiness walked away from her with no turning back because he didn't get what it was like to really care about someone.
(little did he realize how much she needed him)

She doesn't care anymore fighting for eight years is tiring and she is giving up hope slowly because there is nobody there to catch her as she falls into the depths of your darkest imaginings. Neglected for her whole life she doesn't know how to love or trust anymore and as she fades away from this world she can hear the sirens screaming and realizes at last that there was someone the whole time who cared for her, she only had to look...
(I only had to look)

Help given and now I am finally alive, and the demons have fled from the love that I never knew I could give...
(a happy ending for a sad story)
this is my sad, sad story yes... i'm a cutter. :( i have been for a long time, 2 years)

jesus i haven't posted in FOREVER!!! forgive me (although i don't know why i say that because it's not like anybody reads this blog anyway) :( sadness!!!!!!

well everything is the same as last time i posted.. meaning that life is still as boring as ever!!!!!!!!!!! next week i have finals and then..... SUMMER VACA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its pretty great :) so i prob wont be posting for awhile because i have to study, study, study!!!!!!! well then.....


No comments: